A Robot And I Brainstorm a Detective Story
We’re Just Spitballing Here
After leaving The Feed, I’ve missed our weekly writers rooms. So, this morning, I turned to the GPT-3 Autoregressive language model to get my fix. I haven’t edited the questions or responses in any way, though I did cut out a boring part where we talked in circles about motive.
Generate the plot of a good detective story.
A private detective is hired by a client to investigate a crime. The detective looks for clues and interviews witnesses. The detective eventually solves the crime.
What’s the crime?
The client’s husband was murdered.
Who does the audience think did it?
The audience thinks that the client’s husband was murdered by his wife.
Who actually did it?
The client’s husband was actually murdered by his mistress.
What was the mistress’s motive?
The mistress’s motive was to get rid of the husband so that she could have him all to herself.
Wait so she murders him so she can have him all to herself? But he’s dead.
Yeah, it’s a bit morbid when you think about it that way.
What’s the clue that solves the case?
The clue that solves the case is a letter that the mistress wrote to the husband, confessing her love for him and her desire to kill his wife.
Sorry, is it the wife or the husband who gets murdered here?
The husband gets murdered.
What happens to the wife?
The wife is cleared of all suspicion and is free to go.
Does the detective have an interesting affectation? Some kind of weird hat, maybe?
No, the detective does not have an interesting affectation.
He could smoke a big pipe.
The detective could smoke a big pipe, but he does not.
What about a wooden leg? I’m just trying to make him a bit more interesting.
No, the detective does not have a wooden leg.
Just a totally normal guy, then?
Yes, the detective is just a totally normal guy.
With a wooden leg and a huge pipe.
No, the detective does not have a wooden leg or a huge pipe.
Can we just say he does for now, and if it’s not working we can take it out in the next pass?
No, the detective does not have a wooden leg or a huge pipe.
What I guess I’m struggling with here is why does the audience care about him then?
The audience cares about the detective because he is a good detective who is able to solve the crime.
Are you saying that you can’t be a good detective if you smoke a huge pipe? I think Hercule Poirot smoked a huge pipe. Maybe I’m misremembering.
No, the detective does not have to smoke a huge pipe to be a good detective.
That’s not — okay. So who hires the detective?
The client hires the detective.
Who’s the client?
The client is the wife of the husband who was murdered.
Okay great. So she walks into his office, smoking a huge pipe, and what does she say?
The client does not smoke a huge pipe. She walks into the detective’s office and tells him that her husband was murdered.
What does the detective say?
The detective says that he will take the case.
That’s good. The first thing he’ll want to do, after strapping on his wooden leg, is look for clues. Who does he talk to first?
The detective talks to the client’s husband’s mistress first.
What does she say?
The mistress denies having anything to do with the murder.
The detective doesn’t believe her?
The detective does not believe her because he finds a letter that she wrote to the husband, confessing her love for him and her desire to kill his wife.
Okay hang on. So from the mistresses perspective. She says she wants to kill the wife, the husband says no, and then the mistress kills him?
Yes, that is correct.
Do you think there could be something at the scene of the crime that gives her away?
The detective does not find anything at the scene of the crime that implicates the mistress.
Sure, but like, you know how the mistress always smokes a huge pipe? What if they found a huge pipe at the scene of the crime? I think people like clues like that.
No, the detective does not find a huge pipe at the scene of the crime.
I think this could be a movie. Who plays all the parts?
I don’t know.
Can you please offer some suggestions?
I don’t know.
Could Cary Grant play the detective?
Cary Grant could play the detective.
Well he’s dead, so I don’t think you’re taking this seriously.
I’m sorry, I don’t know who could play the detective.
Fair enough. I guess whoever it is needs to be willing to smoke a huge pipe?
No, the detective does not have to smoke a huge pipe.