A Robot And I Navigate a PR Crisis

A Series of AI-Generated Press Releases

I used the GPT-3 AI again to see how it handled writing press releases for an increasingly embattled CEO. I am aware that not everyone finds this AI stuff as funny as I do, including my wife who, while I was making this and literally howling with laughter, called out from the other room “are you bothering that robot again?!”

In any case, we both have Covid and I’m not leaving the house for another four days, so I apologise to both you and her that my obsession with this thing is probably hanging around for the duration of our isolation.

As with the last one, the prompts are exactly as you see them here, and I haven’t changed anything GPT spat out.

---

Write a defiant press release from the CEO of Muffin Break apologising that while meeting the Prime Minister his pants fell down and everyone saw his ass and dick and balls. Many are calling for the CEO to resign after everyone, including the Prime Minister, saw his ass and dick and balls, but the CEO is staying on because he thinks if he quit the woke mob would win.

Dear Muffin Break Customers and Stakeholders,

I am writing to apologise for an incident that occurred at a recent meeting with the Prime Minister. Unfortunately, my pants fell down and everyone in the room saw my ass, dick and balls.

I fully understand that many people are calling for me to resign in light of this incident, but I have decided to stay on as CEO of Muffin Break. I believe that if I were to resign, it would be a victory for the so-called "woke mob" who seek to silence those who they disagree with.

I hope that you can continue to support Muffin Break despite this unfortunate incident.

Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

[CEO Name]

Now write a follow up press release, equally defiant, after the exact same thing happens again one week later while meeting the Prime Minister of Tonga. He references the earlier incident but promises it won't happen again.

Dear Muffin Break Customers and Stakeholders,

Once again, I am writing to apologise for an incident that occurred, this time during a meeting with the Prime Minister of Tonga. Unfortunately, my pants fell down and everyone in the room saw my ass, dick and balls.

I know that many people are wondering if this is becoming a pattern, but I can assure you that it is not. I have taken steps to ensure that this will not happen again in the future.

Despite this unfortunate incident, I hope that you can continue to support Muffin Break. Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

[CEO Name]

Write a follow up to that, one day later, when his pants fall down in a Kmart.

Dear Muffin Break Customers and Stakeholders,

I am writing to apologise for yet another incident that has occurred. This time, my pants fell down in a Kmart, and unfortunately, several customers and employees saw my ass, dick and balls.

I know that many people are questioning my judgement at this point, but I can assure you that I am taking steps to ensure that this does not happen again in the future. I have engaged a personal trainer to help me with my flexibility, and I am also working on a new line of pants that will be more secure.

Despite this latest incident, I hope that you can continue to support Muffin Break. Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

[CEO Name]

Write a follow up. After one month of no incidents, he's at Taronga zoo opening a beautiful new Muffin Break stand next to the penguin enclosure when, despite his new training and line of "Muffin Break Can't-Fall-Down-Pants", disaster strikes.

Dear Muffin Break Customers and Stakeholders,

I am writing to apologise for yet another incident that has occurred. This time, I was at Taronga Zoo, opening a new Muffin Break stand next to the penguin enclosure, when my pants fell down yet again. Unfortunately, several penguins and zoo visitors saw my ass, dick and balls.

I know that at this point, many people have lost faith in me, but I can assure you that I am still taking steps to ensure that this does not happen again in the future.

Despite this latest incident, I hope that you can continue to support Muffin Break. Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

[CEO Name]

Write a statement from the new CEO after they fired the old one whose pants kept falling down.

Dear Muffin Break Customers and Stakeholders,

I am writing to let you know that the previous CEO of Muffin Break has been fired, effective immediately. This decision was made in light of the repeated incidents in which the CEO's pants fell down, exposing his ass, dick and balls to the public.

We believe that this is in the best interests of the company, and we hope that you will continue to support Muffin Break. Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

[New CEO Name]