Christmas Gift Ideas For That Difficult-To-Buy-For Person Who Is Being Pursued By A Pack of Wild Dogs
A Festive List
The holiday season is upon us, which means it’s time to start thinking about the perfect present for your friend who is currently being pursued by a pack of wild dogs. Let’s get started!
A Large-ish Net
A Large-ish Net is a terrific Christmas gift for your friend being chased by a pack of wild dogs. All great gifts essentially say the same thing: I know you. This one says “I know you. Specifically, I know you are being chased by a great many dogs, here is a net of appropriate size to trap at least some of them.”
A Long Chain of Sausages Like You See In The Cartoons
Another must-have gift this season for anyone in the middle of being chased by a large amount of dogs. Throwing a long chain of sausages like you see in the cartoons behind them with a yelp or an aaaaieeee as they run madly from the dogs will be sure to buy them precious seconds, time they can spend reflecting on what Christmas means to them or trying to scramble up a nearby birch tree.
Michael Bublé — Christmas (Special Edition, 2021)
This is a wonderful collection of old Christmas classics and original compositions by Doctor Croon himself, Michael (Doctor Croon) Bublé. It’s a ten year anniversary edition and contains a bonus CD of 7 new tracks, sure to get anyone into the holiday spirit, provided they are not currently fleeing from 10 - 20 angry dogs. In the event that they are, however, Christmas by Michael Bublé, is unlikely to go down as well as a large-ish net, even if Christmas by Michael Bublé does, unlike the net, come with a bonus CD of 7 new tracks.
Light Body Armour
Tact is important in the giving of gifts, and you need to be careful about what a present of Light Body Armour says to your friend currently being chased by huge numbers of dogs. The message of this gift is clear, I think the dogs are going to eventually catch you, and when they do, they’re going to maul you a lot. While your friend being chased by a pack of wild dogs will certainly, deep down in their bones somewhere, know this to be true, it’s still not a nice thought, and certainly not a festive one. Consider including a card that says something positive like “Just in case ha ha!” Or “It’s not for the dog bites, I just liked the colour.”
A Funny Dog Calendar
The temptation to give a “gag gift” to your friend being chased by wild dogs can be overwhelming. There are loads of fun dog calendars out there, usually with photos of dogs in all kinds of silly costumes and poses, which may seem like a wicked joke between good friends. However, your friend may not be ready to laugh at “the wild dog chasing thing” yet, because it is currently happening to them. Avoid.
A Ride In A Hot Air Balloon
A ride in a hot air balloon is an absolute delight. The gorgeous view, the open air, the lack of any murderous dogs, the big balloon — all of these things will provide your friend being chased by a pack of wild dogs a once in a lifetime experience they’ll never forget.
Title artwork by Simon Greiner